rooftop melodies

moody mcmoodster

2011-04-22T19:00:00.000-05:00

The jury's not out on this one--I'm moody today. I'm not really sure why either (unless it has something to do with those three letters P, M, and S). It could be the afore-mentioned or it could be the gloomy weather or it could just be the fact that I have to work until 7 when my mom's surprise birthday party starts at 7. Maybe it's all of the above. Anyway, I'm moody, I'm gloomy, I'm a regular ole' Eeyore today. Maybe I'm even an Oscar the Grouch... And to be more gloomy, I'm not sure anybody even reads this anyway. It's been so long since I was in the loop with my blog and my blogging buddies, I hardly create any traffic for them and hardly get any back. It also doesn't help that most of my blogging buddies have done the exact thing I did--burn out on blogging. For some reason or another, blogging just got to be too much. My creativity was drained and I was left without an interesting thing to say, besides me griping, which, as you can clearly see right now, is not all that interesting.

It's not that I don't have anything to say; it's just that sometimes what's in my heart and mind isn't really all that interesting. Or worse, it isn't something I'm ready to spill... Maybe that doesn't sound like a bad thing, but it is for me. See, writing is my outlet. Without it, I get all bottled up inside. It's just that, I'm not ready to face my fears, insecurities, faults etc and slap 'em out in print. But you have to admit, that's a pretty bold thing for anybody to do. It's not easy to put yourself out there like that. Maybe that's why I don't have a man...

Anyway... I just thought I'd drop a grouchy bomb on ya'lls (if you're even there) and I'll tack on a big "sorry-for-not-visiting-any-other-blogs" on to that as well. haha. I hope your day is better than mine.

something to think about--simpler times

2011-04-13T18:45:00.000-05:00

So I moved to a new apartment, which is good, because house sitting (for the last NINE months) was driving me crazy. I need my own space! Anyway, now I'm at a 6-plex in an actual neighborhood. No more suburbs for me! I'm back in the 'hood! ha ha. Well, you know how it is in apartment-type living. There are lots of families, aka lots of kids! I love kids, and I love to see them have good, old fashioned fun. You know, like riding bikes and playing tag...

That's why it made me smile to see an old-fashioned neighborhood birthday party the other day. I knew something was up when I pulled in the parking area to see that there was a barbecue happening. Mmmmmm... grilled chicken. Furthermore, I knew it was a special day when I walked in the building and smelled some greens frying. But it all made sense when I saw the birthday girl--she was decked out in her prettiest robin's egg blue tee shirt, and had 2 crisp bills pinned to her chest--$10! Of course turning 10 was great, but just imagine how awesome it will be when she turns 20, (or so she thinks now)!

All the kids from the neighborhood were swarming. I didn't see any presents (besides $10) but I did see a lot of happy faces, long into the afternoon. Maybe a great birthday is more about having fun and making memories with your family and besties than it is about presents and Chuck E Cheese and outdoing the Joneses. Hmmmm... something to think about.

something to think about--efficiency

2011-04-11T22:46:00.001-05:00

It's trying to be spring here and you know what that means, right? Messes! So as the whole world (in Minnesota) is thawing, they try to clean up the messes that winter has left behind. As I was walking back to work after a quick coffee run last week, I saw a custodian-type worker at a hotel doing just that. He was taking down some wintery/Christmas type greens arrangements that were outside the hotel, but he did it in a way that just made every ounce of my body scream, "Hasn't there got to be a better way to do that?!"

See, he was painstakingly slow. He would take the least amount of greens he could carry, then uproot it from the arrangement, carry it gingerly around the corner of the building and to the dumpster where he would slowly toss it in. Then he would plod back to the front of the building and repeat the process. It was ridiculous. In the 2 minutes I watched him, I thought of 5 different ways he could have finished that job in 1/4 the amount of time it would take him to do it the way he was doing it. For instance, why didn't he just get a large garbage bag, load it up with greens, then carry the whole bag to the dumpster??? How hard is that?

This whole situation lead me to think, that's what makes the difference between him and me. Between them and us... Let me explain.

There are people in this life who think about everything. They decide a good way to do the task at hand, then execute it. They plan ahead, looking for better ways to do it in the future. They accept and embrace change when it's better and more efficient. They get promoted, starting at the bottom and working their way up.

Then there are people who do everything the "easiest" way. If one handful of greens is all they want to muster, then gosh darnit, that's all they're going to carry! Brainstorming is not something they participate in and they never think of a better way. That would require too much effort. They don't get promoted, but remain custodians until their middle aged and wonder why life hasn't given them more.

Hmmmm... something to think about.

introduction

2011-03-06T23:06:00.003-06:00

Here's my boy when he was 4 months old or so
and his name was still Emerson. I think he was
born with ears that size!

I would like to introduce you to the newest member of my family. He has four legs, a wet nose, and shiny black fur. His name was Emerson (yuck!) but we changed that after much deliberation, to Bull's Eye (yes, like the horse from Toy Story). His middle name is Fletcher (just thought of that a few weeks ago) because flecha is the Spanish word for arrow and fletching is the feather part of an arrow. I chose the arrow theme, because what goes in the Bull's Eye? An arrow! ;)

Here he is, growing bigger.

Anyway, he's super cute and sweet. He's a mix between a coon hound and a black lab (I think). He was the runt of the litter and spent the first 4 or 5 months of his life in a shelter. When he was still a little pup, he came down with pneumonia. Now he has trouble breathing when he gets nervous or excited, but that doesn't stop him from playing. He just doesn't run as well as other puppies his age and he needs to take breaks to catch his breath. After his rocky beginnings in the shelter, there was a girl who adopted him, but she was young and going to school as well as working. She wasn't able to care for him. Her parents were fed up and made her find a new home for him. So when he was 7 months old, he came to live with me.

He's a good boy, most of the time. He's a little possessive when it comes to toys or treats. For example, if Kai, the dog I've been watching for a long time, has a bone, Bull's Eye will steal it from him. Even if there are two bones, my dog will sit on one and chew the other. Sometimes he can be a real stinker, but most of the time he's calm to the point of lazy. That's what I like the most about him!

And here he is today!

He's 10 months now, and still growing, but hopefully not much more. He goes by several aliases, including, but not limited to, Clidesdale, Wheezy, and UnderFoot.He's 50 pounds now and causing me more trouble than I could imagine. I can't find an apartment because of him and his large size, but that's ok. He's worth it. There is one apartment complex that will take us (that's not in a totally bad part of town), so we'll probably be moving there soon. Well, that's all there is to know about my puppy for now. You'll be hearing more about him in the future though!

well, if you're gonna call...

2011-01-25T20:25:00.001-06:00

Now that I work at a call center, I have come up with a list of things that people should know whenever they dial those numbers.

1. Have your stuff straight. So that means, if you need an account number, PIN, employee ID, username, password, claim number or whatever else you could possibly need so that the center can recognize you, then you should have it ready and even enter it into the phone line if requested!
2. Take off your crabby pants! I'm sincerely trying to help you, so don't get fussy with me. I didn't make any of the policies, make your supervisor unreasonable, or send your documents to the wrong address.
3. Don't hang up the receiver in my ear. It hurts! If you're not using a wireless device with an off button, don't drop the receiver down, push the button to hang it up.
4. Don't ever say, "As long as I have you on the phone." That one kills me every time. Even if you are thinking it, just don't say it. It signifies an inarticulate question that has been simmering loosely in the back of mind for way too long, and something that's probably going to make my call 10 minutes longer.
5. Spare me the details. You can say, "I was billed for the wrong procedure," instead of giving me a 10 minute run-down on the current status of your mole. There are other people on the line waiting to speak to a rep, and I don't even care to hear your personal business.
6. Do your research. Don't call with a vague question. With few exceptions, don't call to get all the information you will need to make your decision. Do your research first. Most companies have websites, brochures, and a lot of information you can access in order to educate yourself before you make any commitments. There are not many reps to serve all the clients. At my company, for instance, there are 11 reps to 60,000 clients. Help us out.
7. And last, but not least, listen! If I tell you we will call you in 2 days, don't call back 2 hours later wondering why nobody has called you. If I say your at the wrong place to check on your claim, don't continue to ask about the claim!

So there you have it. An insider's voice on the call center. Do you have any things you would really just like to tell your clients? Go ahead, vent!

i chose neither

2011-01-22T20:46:00.000-06:00

So between my head and my heart, I chose neither. And I think that was the best for me. For as much as I was/am ready for a relationship, I wasn't ready for this one. So I walked away.

And I don't feel bad about it.

Just because somebody seemed "perfect" doesn't mean I need to be with him if he is not perfect for me. So it was the shortest relationship of all time-3 weeks. Because if you're always wishing the one you're with were more like, oh say anybody else, then the one you're with is not the right one for you. And if he, after 3 weeks, already tells you you need to learn how to cook and "Why do you need a dog, if you have me?" Hmmm... I got the dog first, so I guess if I have to choose...

Anyway, I spent all this time wondering how I could ever love being single, and without even knowing it, my mind was changed. I guess I'll just have fun and enjoy life until the right one comes along!

hmmm...

2011-01-09T20:52:00.000-06:00

When it's between your head and your heart, what do you choose? I once heard a quote that was something like this, "Don't follow your heart, lead your heart." Sounds like a good idea to me. But what if your heart doesn't want to be led? What if your heart is a quivering baby off in a corner somewhere who just wants to stay there and be safe? What if your heart had all these expectations that were so not part of reality, so now it's just disillusioned? So maybe I should just follow my head and forget about my heart completely. I'm pretty sure I know a good thing when I see it. Why do we have to have feelings anyway? They are a pain! I am not impressed with emotions. There, I said it. Unfortunately, I have spent so much time trying to convince myself that I don't have any emotions, cuz they got all messed up with all of my lovely exes.

Hmmmm... do you think I could have both?

off my chest/off my shoulders

2010-11-20T21:24:00.004-06:00

I know we all have times when you just want to shed a weight off your chest (like something that's stressing you out)or throw a load off your shoulders (something making you sad). That's why, periodically, I'm just going to write about something that's ticking me off or weighing me down and hopefully release myself from it.

So here goes a load off my shoulders: I hate that my ex married a girl with the exact same first and middle name! For the longest time it felt like such a slap, even though it was totally illogical.

Whew! That felt good! Unloaded!

Do you have a burden to hurl off? Comment!

i wish...

2010-11-09T22:39:00.002-06:00

...I had a sister.

I really do. I wish we had grown up playing together, fighting, commiserating with, competing against, sharing clothes with a sister. I wish we'd drawn a line down the middle of our room and threatened each other if one item was out of place in our side. I wish we'd sneaked out the window at midnight together and spent the whole day at the pool together and hated each other so much but then thought better of it and made up the next day. I wish we'd braided and pulled and curled and cut each other's hair. I wish we'd stayed up all night telling stories and talking about boys. I wish we'd gone shopping and sat all day in the book store reading magazines and buying none. I wish we would have cried when one or the other went to college and promised to call and text and email all the time, then only done it half of the time cuz we just didn't anticipate how having our own lives would have changed us. But then we'd get together for a weekend or over the summer and pick right up where we left off. That's what sisters do. I wish that when our hearts had broken we'd cry on the other's shoulder, then pick up the pieces and put them back together over ice cream and chic flicks. I wish that when we met the one we'd be equally thrilled for the other, and jump up and down screaming like we were 13 year olds winning tickets to see Justin Beiber. I wish we'd be each other's maids of honor and give wonderful speeches, full of inside jokes, at the reception. I wish we'd have our babies and be so proud of each other. We'd love those little chunky monkeys like they were our own. And even if we moved across the state or country or world from each other, we'd always be inseparable. We'd always be sisters, knit together in our hearts.

Sisters and Book, Painting by Iman Maleki
http://imanmaleki.com/en/Galery/sistersandbook.htm

I wish I hadn't wished so much. I wish I never expected my brother's wives to even be half of what I hoped I could have had in a sister. I wish Baby Brother finds the perfect woman, one who has room for another sister. And last but not least, I wish I marry a man with sisters who understand me, or no sisters at all.

to strangers

2010-10-10T03:40:00.000-05:00

How is it that I want to share everything with you, people who do not know me? How is it that I can let down my guard and expose my heart to you, ones who have never met me? How is it that I cannot/will not let the ones who love me most in, but I will open my door to strangers? How is it that I can express myself to you almost uninhibitedly while simultaneously locking myself behind bars of my own creation?

Is it possible that you won't care enough to hurt me? Or perhaps I have kept you far enough out to let you in... As in, I have hidden my identity enough to be anonymous while at the same time completely nonymous. Could it be that I really just want to share this life, to feel that I am not unobserved--that my life will not go unnoticed--to make my unvoiced thoughts and opinions valid?! But this is my own doing! I refuse to let anyone in the real world know me. I hide myself enough to be acceptable, funny, charming, mysterious... But really I am complex, potentially psychotic, possibly unacceptable. There is so much in my mind--things I wish to share, to validate. Do I have no equal? Is there no one worthy of my trust?

I've said too much.

it'd be nice to let down my guard

2010-10-09T17:06:00.000-05:00

There are days when I am acutely aware of the thoughts/feelings behind my actions. Until recently, there has been a black band guarding my left ring finger--as if to scare away the bad ones and thereby deter the good ones. But I wish I could change everything about the way I protect myself sometimes, but I'm not ready to drop my guard or my walls. I can't. I won't be hurt again. And despite all the walls I put up to keep people out--to keep them from hurting me--I know there is no way to make that a reality. People will slip through the cracks and into my heart, thereby holding some sort of power over me. Little, unintentional things will hurt me. I can't avoid it.

And that makes me wonder... are the things I do avoid things I am really missing out on? By limiting my exposure to the world, am I missing opportunities to love and be loved, to enjoy life, to experience a depth of connection that I am currently lacking?

And you know, I still feel good with that ring on my left hand. It feels safe... and boring. I'd like to forget about being safe, though, and take a risk. But every time I move the ring, I remember what it's like to cry myself to sleep, to be betrayed, to know that I am not valuable in the eyes of the one I love, and I never want to experience that again. So the ring goes back to the left, my heart goes back behind bars, and I am safe again. But the question always lingers, "Is it really worth it?"

uninspired dreamer

2010-10-07T23:21:00.000-05:00

My new room does not inspire creativity. This new house does not have a creative spot in it anywhere. This neighborhood does not contain a creative area within 3 blocks! I'm feeling rather blah lately. So yeah, I'm really missing my second story apartment. I may just have to take my computron to work with me, so I can stare out the window at the beautiful architecture all around to be inspired to write something. Heck, I can hardly write a facebook status update anymore. What am I going to do?

i've been thinkin'

2010-09-21T23:04:00.000-05:00

I know, it's pretty dangerous when I start thinking! But I've been doing a lot of that lately. haha... That kind of implies that I didn't spend much time thinking before... which isn't true. I guess the subject of my thoughts is what's changed. I have a lot of thoughts that I want to share, and some thoughts that should just stay in my head. But one of those thoughts that runs through my mind often is this blog. I've wanted to write several times and even thought about subject matter, but somehow it fades by the time I get home from work.

Speaking of which, I haven't really written anything of late for that exact reason. Starting a new job is stressful regardless of whether or not there is a smooth transition. Especially in this position. I'm in my 6th week of training and I still have 6 weeks to go before I'm "all trained in." I'm glad I've already had a background in HR to prep me for all this subject matter. But even taking that into consideration, this is still stressful! And come to think of it, I've only lived in this new location for 3 months. Moving is stressful, too. I haven't made many friends yet, even though I lived here most of my childhood and teenage years. Everything has changed and most of my old friends are gone by now. Making friends can be hard when you're starting over for the first time in a long time...

Now I'm not saying these things are bad. They are actually very good! It's great to be out of my dead-end job, commuting 103 miles a day (or 76 miles at my old apartment). It's good to be out of the old atmosphere, thinking about my dead-end ex every day. It's good to be starting over.

So I guess I need your help/input. Have you ever started over? How did you make friends? Did you meet a man and fall in love :D? Does he have a brother/son ;D? I need some advice here ladies! Help me get back in my groove. Oh, and thanks for sticking around and waiting for me to get my act together and come back to the bloggy world.

whirlwinds

2010-08-19T23:25:00.000-05:00

So everything has pretty much changed since the last time I wrote on here. It all happened so fast, I've just been caught up in the twister. Really, I should have been blogging you all right through it, but then, my life is more interesting to me than it is to you, I'm sure! Plus also, (as Junie B. Jones would say :) it's summer and I'd rather be in my pool than tooling around on blogger. Sorry!

Anyway, I'm sure you're all dying to know about all of these changes, right?! Well, it started with me applying for some jobs. Then a few weeks later (if that) there was a phone call to set up a phone interview. Gulp! I waited... They said they would e-nail me by the end of the week either way. They called 3 hours later. After that there was a personal interview (in front of a panel, no less!). Then there was the wait! They called my boss for a reference check, and she, of course, said wonderful, amazing things about me and probably got me the job. I hope I can live up to her stellar reference... I love her! :D And I miss her too :'(. Most bosses wouldn't do that. But she knew I was not up for driving 2 hours a day any longer than I had to.

So my last day at the old job was last Wednesday. I have now completed 2 days of orientation at my new job and 2 days of training. Well, I'm ready now for anything, right? Wrong. This position requires twelve weeks of training. That's right, count 'em. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 12!! Yikes! But I'm sure I'll be uber prepared by then. I'd rather be over trained than make a lot of mistakes.

And speaking of making mistakes, I can't make the one of staying up too late before work. I'll try to be more active in the bloggy world again and get back to reading your blogs, too!

flashing before my eyes

2010-07-17T22:15:00.001-05:00

Do you ever suddenly feel pretty darn old? Every time I roll my eyes at a teenager or see a couple who's younger than I am with a minivan and two children, I feel old. Of course, the fact is, I'm not really that old. Heck, I'm still in my mid-twenties! Maybe just the fact that I am no longer on the bottom of the totem poll is making me realize that I'm no kid anymore.

For example, last night my friend and I were out on the town. As we walked down the street, we saw a group of teens walking around with big name badges and matching tee-shirts. They were giggling and flirting and bee-bopping down the sidewalk in one giant swarm of youth conferencyishness. For a second, my friend and I were annoyed by their OMGing and generally loud demeanor. But then we remembered that, 10 years ago, we were the same way. And in that moment, I felt a little old. It's hard to believe that I'm already 10 years from matching tee-shirt youth conferences.

I think the reason behind this is that I have reached very few of the "normal" milestones for adulthood. Let's see, 1. I have a full-time job. 2. I have graduated from college. 3. I own a car (and I have since I was a teenager. Maybe that one doesn't count.) 4. ...Well, that's all she wrote, folks. I can't think of a fourth one. Maybe I'd start feeling like I belong in my 26 years if I had my own place or if I were married or had kids or something. Or maybe time just really does pass that fast. I guess pretty soon I'll be dead. x-(

tired

2010-07-11T23:22:00.001-05:00

i'm so tired of trying
i put this black ring on my finger
cuz i'm tired of lying
around, sitting here waiting
for someone to fly in
and sweep me off my feet
this life is not a fairy tale
and it's not fair as far as I can tell
cuz it's the ones who gave me hell
who are living the life I wanted, well
the life i think i wanted
or thought, because this life is not
what i thought it would be
now is time to wake up and see
that there's no such things as
happily ever after endings

changes, changes

2010-07-08T00:07:00.001-05:00

So I moved. I'm now living with Army Wife and Husband. Soon Army Husband will be shipping out (just to the next state) and it will be just us chicas (plus Little Brother who is living in the basement somewhere. He occasionally peeks his head out.) She'll be shipping out sooner or later also, but that's well in the future. For now, I'll just enjoy my Adventure in Suburbia.

Anyway, if I seem scarce lately, it's because I just moved and I drive 103 miles to and from work a day. I'm tired when I get home and I guess I don't really have anything to give by then, not even to my blog. Besides, I'm still unpacking boxes and totes. But hopefully I can find a job in the area soon and things will become more settled. Until then I'll just be gathering the bloggy ideas in my head, maybe writing them down on paper so I can spit 'em out again here. See you cats later!

hate crimes--punishment based on motives?

2010-06-29T23:09:00.000-05:00

I've been thinking about it lately... is it fair to punish so-called "hate crimes" more harshly than "regular" crimes? Who decides when it becomes a hateful crime? Is it less wrong to commit a crime with non-hateful intentions? Are "hate crimes" mere political jargon? If so, then why and to what end?

Now you be the judge. Which crime is worse?

Burning a church because the pastor offended you or burning a church because they are Christians?
Assaulting a man because he did not return the money you loaned him or assaulting a man because he is gay?
Slashing someone's tires because she is dating your ex or slashing someone's tires because she is black?
Shooting a child because she was in the way of your drive-by or shooting a child because she is Muslim?

And who determines what is hateful? Is it hateful to believe that homosexuality is wrong? When does hating become a crime in itself? Where do you draw the lines? Is putting a Koran in a toilet a hate crime? It has been charged as one. Is putting a Bible or the Book of Mormon or the Talmud in a toilet a hate crime? Is a crucifix in a jar of urine a hate crime? No, Piss Christ is a "work of art."

So who determines what is a hate crime? What do you think?

terrible beauty

2010-06-29T01:19:00.000-05:00

Today I was shopping at one of my favorite stores, Target, when I was drawn to the pajama area. I love jammies. They are my weakness... Well, one of them. I grabbed a pair of yellow flowered boxers and a ribbed blue tank. "Perfect summer pj's," I thought. As I put them in my basked, I saw a skimpy, white, little thing. It was so pretty and sexy. I wished, "I hope I will need that some day."

Then I realized. I'm stuck somewhere between being the girl who, in her desperation, buys the lingerie even though she has no need for it and the girl who buys whatever she pleases, just because she likes it not caring what anybody thinks. I am neither of those girls. Desperation looks terrible on me, and I'm still not ready to give up and get 7 cats.

So here's to hoping that maybe someday I'll just need that pretty little thing.

six word saturday

2010-06-26T10:29:00.000-05:00

I'm 26 now, so let's party!

every smile lies

2010-06-04T13:12:00.006-05:00

Every smile lies in the shadow of many tears. There is no hope. All is in vain.

odd one out

2010-06-01T23:45:00.002-05:00

Have you ever felt like you don't belong? Do you ever feel guilty when you know you didn't do anything wrong? I was feeling both of those things today.

For some reason I constantly feel like I'm so "young" compared to other people my age... and not in a good way. It's more like a late-bloomer type of feeling. I'm going to be 26 this month and I really haven't reached any of the societal "norms" for people my age. I'm not married or even dating. I don't have any kids. I don't own a house. I don't even have my own place. I don't really have a career. Heck, I don't even have a pet! Where do I belong, then? I'm not a college student anymore. I'm certainly not in high school. But I'm also not a parent, or even a part of a young married couple. I'm single, but I'm not a career girl. So what am I? Who am I?

So that being said, I really have no responsibilities. Yeah, it's kinda nice, but at the same time, it makes me feel guilty. I see other people my own age struggling to care for families and children. They are investing time and energy into their marriage relationships. They are paying mortgages on houses. I do none of those things and it makes me feel like I'm irresponsible or something. I realize that it's ridiculous to feel this way, but that doesn't change how I feel. It's like feeling bad for eating food knowing that there are starving people in the world. Not eating won't make it any better for them, but it seems like you have to make up for the loss in some way.

People always ask me, "So what do you want to do with your life? What career are you interested in?" That's one of those questions that you should make up an answer to. Telling people, "Well, all I ever really wanted to be is a wife and mother," is not exactly a popular response. It may be the truth, but it sure does sound desperate.

I know my position in life shouldn't define me. I know I bear no guilt because I can watch tv at night while others have to lull babies to sleep. I know I'm not a bad person because I wake up later since I'm the only one I have to get ready in the morning. But knowing doesn't make me feel any more worthy or belonging.

2010-05-18T22:54:00.002-05:00

Well, time flies and the years flash right before my eyes. Sounds like a good beginning to a poem. Maybe it will make an appearance on rooftop harmonies. Anyway, rooftop melodies is turning one year old tomorrow. I can't believe it's been so long. Then at the same time, it doesn't feel that long at all. At the same time as so much has changed, it seems like not much has changed at all.

Part of me feels like I should have done a massive giveaway and invited all my bloggy friends to a party and had fireworks and fanfare. But the other part of me remembers why I started this blog--I love to write. Also, I need an outlet for all the craziness that goes on inside my head on a daily basis. So I decided against the giant party, cool giveaway (sorry), and party favors.

Instead I decided to celebrate rooftop melodies' birthday with a little allergic reaction. That's right. I ate some super nasty food (note to self, "AVOID THE 'BEAR'S DEN AT ALL COST!'") at some middle-of-nowheresville restaurant on Sunday night and ever since my whole body has been itching continuously. It feels like a fiery, burning itch that comes from the inside. I have had to go to the bathroom at work and pretty much strip so I could scratch away. It's a good thing we have a one-person bathroom! It could be a little disturbing if there were other people there. And really, this isn't what I wanted to or was planning on writing about for the completion of my first blogging year, but I'm so consumed by this itch, that I can't really think about anything else.

Well, I'm going to throw on my jammies and hop into bed and hopefully by the time our actual birthday rolls around tomorrow, I'll be itch free. Good night friends, and pass the hydrocortisone!

esta es una novela

2010-05-11T23:16:00.002-05:00

The sound of slamming doors resonates in my ears. Not real slamming doors, though, just the literal sound that the proverbial door would make as it slams shut in my face. I did this to myself, you know.

But that's how life is, right? You walk toward the door to see if it's the way you should go. If it stays open to let you pass through, then you know that was not a misstep. However, when the door closes, you look for another option. Unfortunately, if you throw a little deception into the mix, add a few people--new and old--then shake it up really well, you will undoubtedly get a disastrous combination, which, when left to simmer, will always result in slamming doors.

I hate drama. Or so I like to say. I'm not sure if I believe myself, seeing as I always seem to end up with a double helping of it. I think I secretly crave the stuff...

Oh, and in other news, my mother was right. I really cannot be expected to expound on this topic, as it is just too harsh of a reality. Honestly, it needs some time to sink in. Even then, my pride may not be able to handle conversing about the subject. You know, he has a very volatile countenance, and can be agitated easily. If allowed, he will suffer unmitigatedly over the smallest things. He will lash out in his own defense as if it were the last and only thing he owned. Yes, my pride is an unruly little bugger. I think we should just leave him alone right now. Maybe we'll revisit this subject after he's had his Prozac.

Speaking of medication, I really should take my allergy meds. If I don't, my ears will snap, crackle, and pop as if they were enjoying a hearty helping of Rice Crispies. It makes wallowing in my misery all the more difficult while I'm attempting to sleep. I simply cannot be distracted by allergy ears when I have such important things going on!

I have a Bible study to lead tomorrow night. I was planning on studying it last night along with tonight. Unfortunately I changed my life from the Devotion channel to the all-night Super Novela channel, where we say and mean, "Mas drama que nunca!" But something inside of me insists that Bible study can only be good for me, especially right now. I'm going to give it a try. I had better prepare my pride first though, as he's sure to have his toes stepped upon.

six word saturday

2010-05-08T07:49:00.001-05:00

Working now, then hopefully movie time!

2010-05-08T00:24:00.000-05:00

It's been almost a year since I started my bloggy journey and a lot has changed. Jordan no longer lives next door. I miss his rooftop melodies that this blog was named for. I never had a chance to really talk to Jordan, but sometimes I dreamed of being his friend; of stretching out next to him on the roof adjacent to his apartment as he strummed softly on his guitar. I wish we had become friends. I think we would have had fun.

I don't cry very much now. Maybe I've moved on. Actually, I know I have. It hasn't been as much as I would have liked, but every step counts. I'm happy now. I have no complaints. I have many fears, but I know my life is good and I can't help but be thankful for the blessings I experience. Sometimes I even remind myself that it is possible to be thankful for the failures, too. See, I would never be who I am today were it not for my mistakes. Every misstep has impacted my life in such a way that I have to change. I have to see something new about myself every time I fall. I have learned that the world is not always good or kind, but this life is worth it.

I still struggle, don't get me wrong. There's not a day that goes by when I don't think, "Will I ever be in love? Is there somebody out there for me? Will I have the chance to have my own family?" It's all I've ever dreamed of, the only end I've ever strived for. I hope, but don't hold my breath. I know. That sounds over dramatic. Well, it might be, but there's no sense in holding out for something that may or may not happen. And heck, maybe my day will come, but it might not be for another 5 years. There's no need to live every day hoping for something that's still not on the horizon.

Now as my blog approaches it's first birthday I think of where I've been and how far I've come. Rooftop melodies will soon be moving from the window of my second story apartment to the window of my second floor room in a huge 5 bedroom house. Soon I'll stare out upon a yard full of grass and the sparse foliage that comes with a newer development. But the song won't change. So stay tuned. Spring is in full bloom and summer love is just around the corner. Oh, and I'll need you to help me celebrate rooftop melodies' first birthday.

mixed messages

2010-04-23T00:06:00.002-05:00

Am I the only one who is confused by this sign? It's right outside of my house, by the way.

weight on my shoulders

2010-04-20T13:36:00.001-05:00

Do you ever feel like people are expecting you to attain the impossible while at the same time holding your eventual failure over your head? And as soon as you do fail, you will immediately be hit with the harsh consequences of your impending mistake. That's how I feel lately. I can't win. I should just quit before the other shoe drops.

i don't know what to say

2010-04-06T23:23:00.000-05:00

Well, the title says it all. And I'm sure it was obvious, but I really haven't had anything to say lately. I used to think about things to write daily. I would mentally write wonderful and interesting posts in my mind throughout the day. But now everything has changed. I can't think of much to say, and what does come to mind is the same old thing, same old nightmares that just want to spill onto my blog's page. I'm tired of talking about the same old nightmares and I'm sure you're tired of hearing about them....

So yeah. other than that I think I really need a bloggy makeover. Does anybody know of a good (cheap) designer? Come on, friend, help a blogger out!

You know what else is crazy and amazing? During my laziness/absence I have accrued 2 followers. Not one but two! Really, who does that? Apparently they must see something redeeming in me--even though my recent posts aren't half the caliber of my first posts. Gosh, I love you people! LOVE YOU!!!

Speaking of which, people love me, too. Namely, Raine, from True Confessions of Single Mother. She made me the winner for her Pay it Forward contest and she got me an awesome notebook with a sparrow on the front of it, which is super cool, because I love sparrows. I even just bought some plaques for the bathroom wall complete with sparrows. So now I have to look for a winner for my own "Pay it Forward" contest. Watch out, it could be you! Hey, there are no rules, so I can choose anybody I want to! :-D

Well, this post has taken me several hours to write, and it's still not even that good. I'm going to have to put more effort into this writing thing now, as it's just not coming that easily anymore. It's been good, but now I have to sleep. Yeah, I have to work (coherently) tomorrow.

I am trying mobile posting

2010-03-31T07:37:00.001-05:00

I am trying mobile posting for the first time. We'll see how this works...

stick 'em up!

2010-03-29T23:56:00.001-05:00

my new Nike Free 7.0's are awesome!

wouldn't want to lose that flab, now, would I?!

true story--->

spring

2010-03-21T20:19:00.000-05:00

Go read my springy poem at rooftop harmonies, because I really like it, and I wrote it just for you!

holiday discrimination

2010-03-20T21:47:00.000-05:00

Have you ever noticed that every holiday can have its moment in the sun, except for Christmas? I say this because I just checked out the peeps website. Why is the Christmas peep known just as "holiday?" That is the biggest load of BS I have ever heard! Easter, Valentine's Day, and Halloween are all allowed their proper names. But Christmas is simply called "holiday." Are they not all freaking holidays? What is Peeps so afraid of? Are they Christmas haters? Do they not believe in Jesus or Santa Clause? Is Christmas "the one of whom we do not speak" or something? The least they could do is call it "winter" or "season of joy" or something equally puke-inducing, yet descriptive. Sigh. I'm so sick of political correctness! I realize the point of being politically correct is not to offend any one, but did anybody ever consider that people might be offended by completely ignoring something that is important to them?

stick 'em up!

2010-03-16T00:11:00.002-05:00

Hmmmm... Doesn't get much better than these side effects, right?

Somebody please tell me. I'm tired of being angry.

I LOVE John Mayer's new album, Battle Studies. Go check it out--http://www.johnmayer.com/.

three things thursday

2010-03-11T05:00:00.003-06:00

So here's another Three Things Thursday. If you want, leave your three things in the comments. Today's subject:

Three movies that I loved as a child

Peter Pan. Couldn't live without it... I'm actually not talking about the cartoon one, either (I really liked that one, too, though). My aunt had a tape of the play, with some female character playing Peter. When I got older, though, I thought a female Peter was just creepy and it became my least favorite version. You know, I really liked every version of Peter Pan that I ever saw... Good story!
The Rescuers. I rented this movie every time I had the opportunity. Consequently, back in those days we barely owned a tv. We had to rent a VCR, too. Usually neither the VCR nor the tape was in great condition. Anyway, back to The Rescuers... they rocked! Poor Penny! That stinkin' evil lady was awful and scary, not to mention those crocodiles! They were the worst villains evah!
Aladdin. My baby bro and I watched that VHS countless times. No really. I believe there were days when we even watched it more than once. heh heh.... Arabian niiiiiiights are hot like Arabian daaaaaaays!!!

So I just thought of something I always did when watching a movie with Baby Bro. After watching all the previews, a screen would pop up saying, "Feature Presentation." Baby Bro was quite excitable as a little kid, so I would turn to him, grab him by the shoulders and shout, "Feature presentation, Baby Bro!! It's starting! I'm so excited!" And possibly jump up and down or body slam him into the couch. hahaha... Good memories. Aw, BB is turning 19 this month and I can't believe he's not a little guy anymore. Kinda sad...

stick 'em up!

2010-03-08T21:59:00.001-06:00

slothful saturday

2010-03-06T21:03:00.002-06:00

Since I've been sick for about a week and a half now, I decided that I would do absolutely nothing today. Well, maybe I cannot state that I am doing nothing absolutely. Really that would be impossible, unless I were to die, that is. And even then I would be decomposing, slowly. But I digress.

Anyway, in an attempt to relax completely, I decided that today would be "No-Pants Saturday." My prudish roomy put the kibosh on that one in its early moments, though. So now it's just "Boxer-Shorts Saturday." Stinkin' Athletic Roomy. (In a side note, though, I did catch a glimpse of myself, pantsless, in my oversized sweatshirt, with my kangaroo pocket weighed down by my cell phone, and it was quite disturbing. I guess Athletic Roomy has a point.)

So this brings me to a conversation I had with the roomies on Thursday night. Pretty Roomy stated that I woke her with my coughing the other night. Then I felt really bad. I don't want to wake my friends while they're sleeping so I decided it was time for some medication. I went to my local Dollar Savvy Grocery Store where I roamed the medication isle. There were tons of boxed and bottled medications to choose from , but I have a problem. Cough and cold medications really put me out. No, really. I know Nyquil is supposed to make you sleep, but it's not supposed to last for 32 hours. And that's exactly what it does to me. Even Dayquil is too much for me. It makes me so groggy that I can't function properly. This is the reason that I almost never take any cold medications. After reviewing all of the cough/cold medications at the store, I decided that I already have the only med that I can take at home (Phenylephrine aka decongestant) so I justed skipped the medications and went to the liquor store. My mom told me that blackberry brandy does wonders for a cold, so I bought a half pint, took some ibuprofen, decongestant, and a big swig of incredibly awful tasting brandy. Hopefully no roomies were disturbed that night. Also, I do believe I felt more rested the next morning. Who needs pharmaceutically concocted medication anyway?

Speaking of which, I feel rather a lot like poo right now, so I think I'll go get myself a swig of my homeopathic cold happy juice.

three things thursday

2010-02-18T05:30:00.003-06:00

So here I go again, for the second time. I'll post a topic, then list three things to go with it.

Three things that cost me too much money:

My fast-food habit... I really need to cut that out, but if you refer to my Sticky Note Tuesday, you will see that I was too lazy to go grocery shopping when I had time.
Gas! Driving a minimum of 400 miles a week really adds up. I wish I worked from home... Don't you think I could telecommute to my busy HR office job?
Speeding tickets! Gosh I hate people tellin' me what to do! How dare they say that I should only go 55. I really like 70 better... Unfortunately, police officers did not agree with me and I have paid all-together way too much because I can't get my lay-Z booty outa' bed in time for work.

What about you? Leave me some comment love... for what have you paid too much?

stick 'em up!

2010-02-16T20:17:00.005-06:00

Yeah, it's late. I know. I get it... I'm behind the times. I was going to post last night and schedule and all of that, but I went straight to bed after I got home from work. But anyway, without further ado, here are my better-late-than-never stickies!

six word saturday

2010-02-13T10:35:00.000-06:00

It's time to share my life in six words. Here goes!

After a year, she's finally here!

So my Peruvian sister is finally here. I haven't seen her since I visited in Peru last January. AND her brother is coming tonight from New York. They haven't seen each other in probably 8 years, so it's going to be one big happy family reunion. Unfortunately she's not feeling well right now, so I hope she can catch up on some sleep and start feeling better by the time everybody gets her.

Have a great Saturday, friends, and go play along:

what the heck is that?

2010-02-12T00:00:00.002-06:00

And now... we're going to play the "What the Heck is That?" game. It's pretty easy to figure out. Here's how it goes: first I show you a super up-close (for lack of a more specific word) then I will show you the full picture. Maybe someday I'll make a give-away from it, but this one is just for fun! Here goes.

three things thursday

2010-02-11T13:59:00.001-06:00

So I'm starting a new feature on my blog. Every Thursday I will put up a new "Three Things." I will pick a topic and then list three things about that topic which are meaningful to me. If you want, you can play along, too. Just write your three things and link up in the comments.

THREE THINGS I WILL NEVER FORGET

1. September 11, 2001-World Trade Center bombing.
2. September 11, 2009-the birth of my beautiful nephew!
3. The time a lady paid for my whole cart-full of groceries at Walmart. It was over $100 worth. I cried. It's not that I didn't have the money, but my card wasn't swiping. Then she just paid for everything. (even my Beyonce album :) I think of her every time I listen to it) Someday I'll pay it forward!

So there you have it! What are three things you'll never forget?

stick 'em up!

2010-02-09T01:59:00.000-06:00

My stickies:

six word saturday

2010-02-06T05:00:00.001-06:00

Here goes for the day:

I'm here, but you are not...

I miss you and I wish we could be together. Hopefully the time will pass quickly, though.

Play along!

what was i thinking!?

2010-02-04T20:32:00.001-06:00

Have you ever had one of those moments when the words "OMG, what was I thinking!?" just lit up in bright, neon letters inside your head? For instance, let's just say you are out driving one day. The roads are a little slick. You're at a stoplight making a right hand turn. There's a car coming, but it's still pretty far. You decide to gun it and pull out even though you know you should probably just hang back and wait until it's completely all clear. As soon as you pull out, you realize that you can't build up enough speed to get out of his way. You hit the gas, but that just makes your car fishtail, out of control. As the whole thing starts to whip around and you're not sure whether you're going into oncoming traffic or whether you'll end up in the ditch, you see that neon sign: "What was I thinking!?"

And that's just one example. See, it happens to me all the time... But it can be different for everybody. Could be you went home with a stranger you just met or got a giant tattoo covering your whole left shoulder. Perhaps you pierced your tongue on a whim or you decided to go sky diving. You could have taken a 12 hour road trip for just the weekend, knowing that you have to work on Monday. Possibly you tried out for American Idol when, deep down, you know you can't really sing!

Ok, just in case you are getting any ideas that I have done all of those things... well, I'm not going to tell. It's more interesting if I keep you guessing. :-) Now tell me! What have you done that made you say, "What was I thinking!?"

stick 'em up!

2010-02-02T00:31:00.006-06:00

It's sticky note Tuesday and I finally remembered. I'm plugging these stikies in and then I'm going to bed! Have a great Tuesday!

BTDubs... how do you get rid of those little checker-mark thingers behind the stickies? Not everybody has them. Why do I? (Sounds like something a tween going through puberty would ask their mom. Sad.)

Oh, and props on the cool, new button sticky.

all about MEme monday

2010-02-01T09:00:00.001-06:00

So this is yet another feature from Supah Mommy's blog. This week we are to write about a time we got pulled over. There are definitely many to choose from, and I have already written about one once. Pretty much, these memories are mostly bad (I keep getting tickets), but there is one good one.

See, it must have been about 2 or 3 years ago. I got pulled over probably 5 times that summer. None of them resulted in tickets. I think this was because, at that time I possessed a 1988 Toyota Corolla that was held together mostly with duct tape. Also, it was summer, so I had the ability to show a little cleavage and a little leg. I cannot tell a lie, I have resorted to it!

Anyway, it was July 3rd, 2007, I believe. I was on my way home from work. For those of you who commute, you understand that it is easy to inch your speed up over the limit. Well, I wasn't really going that much over (probably 60 in a 55) but a young, handsome police officer pulled me over, just about 3 miles out of town. I inched my top down and searched for my insurance card.

He came to the window and I cranked the window down. Or maybe it was already down... no air conditioning you know.

"Do you know why I pulled you over?" he asked.

"Was I speeding?" I quipped.

"Yes, you were going 6o in a 55. You do realize it is the day before a holiday right? We're really cracking down on speeders right now." He took my driver's license and insurance card.

I pounded my head against the steering wheel. "Please no ticket, please no ticket, please no ticket..."

The dreamy officer came back to my car quickly. "I'm going to let you off with a warning. You might want to roll up your windows," he said with a smile "it looks like it's going to rain."

And with that he turned and went back to his patrol car. And I still have that warning. If he had written his name legibly, I probably would have stalked him... He was gorgeous!

six word saturday

2010-01-30T19:04:00.004-06:00

Well, this is very late! But it's not my fault! I had to work today, so yeah... I suppose I could've scheduled it, but that just wouldn't describe my Saturday very well then, would it?

Is that burning food I smell?

and

Go check out my new blog!

ahem... it's rooftop harmonies

Now I gotta run and check on dinner! Have a great weekend!

deal breakers

2010-01-28T23:04:00.001-06:00

So on Monday my bloggy friend, Supah posted some dealbreakers. You know, like the character, Liz Lemon, from 30 Rock.

Picture from msnbc.com

1. If he has a giant blinking spinner belt buckle, yeah, that's a deal breaker!

2. If he ~~loves~~ likes anime, definite deal breaker!

3. If he has a mullet, then just say no!

(unless of course, he is Mario Lopez. Then you could date him whether he has any deal breakers or not)

4. If he has a yin yang tattoo of any kind, just say no.

5. If he has one of those nasty long goatees, just run away! It's a deal breaker!

6. If he loves to dress like a ranchero band member, well, that's just a deal breaker there.

b.t.w. this is the "Banda Machos"

7. If he has ever worn a speedo, yeah, it's not going to work...

Well, I was going to put 10 of them, but I can't think of 10, so 7 will have to do.

i did it!

2010-01-27T23:43:00.002-06:00

So I have two major things to report in this post (yes, this is the second post of the day, sorry)

First--I have met a major life goal! I have 20 followers to this blog! Ok, ok, so maybe that doesn't qualify as a major life goal, but I'm still pretty stoked about it. So thanks, Amber. And if you've been following me forever, I'm sorry. Ha ha! Just kidding. All you who have stuck it out with me are the best! I've really enjoyed getting to know you through your blogs and getting your encouragement, luuuuv, and generally good feelings on what would otherwise be my sad-sack diary (written on paper, no less. gasp!). I'm glad for all you who have read my heart, stuck in my corner through the craptacular days, and patted me on the back in the rockin' awesome ones! You're the bomb-diggity (that's what my mom says, along with "whatev" lol).

Second--I started a sister blog to this one. It's called rooftop harmonies and it will contain only poetry. I really have to give Ebony the credit for inspiring this one, even though I'm sure she didn't know it. I have loved to write poetry for years and I have notebooks full of it, but I haven't posted much in this blog and I've kind of laid off on the poems. But when I saw Ebony's kid poetry site, it reminded me how much I love to write poems. Hence the new blog. Go check it out at www.rooftopharmonies.blogspot.com And no, Ebony did not ask me to promote her new site. I just thought it rocked, so there!

tidbits from lunch break

2010-01-27T13:13:00.003-06:00

Shhh... I'm on lunch break and I'm trying to hurry up and relax. I'm so ready for winter to be over so I can leave the plant on my lunch breaks again. When it's this cold, I don't even venture outside, if I don't have to. I can't wait to spend my breaks in the beautiful, sunny park again. That was the life!

So yesterday I learned something I had not heretofore known about one of my followers. D'Mama is actually my mama! I always wondered why I was the only blog she followed... Well, there is a good reason for that! She's my mom and I never knew. (Wait, that sounds scandalous, like a soap opera. Anyway, you know what I meant.) And when I read her insightful comments on my posts, almost as if she knew me, it was because she did know me, does know me. Gosh, I felt like a doofus when she told me that was her user name. hahaha

Well, I really don't have anything interesting to say right now. Don't you hate it when you have a blog post running through your head all day and then when you go to type it out, it just disappears! That is exactly what has been happening to me lately. So if you notice that my posts lack a certain amount of their normal "flavor" it's because of my forgetfulness. Once again, I blame all of this on winter. I may have something great running through my mind, but as soon as I step outside, all I can think about is getting warm. Then by the time I am back to the comforts of my dear apartment, I have forgotten my splendid idea. Am I crazy, or does this happen to everybody?

Since I really have nothing further to say, I think I'll just rest my head on the desk and try to get a moment of snooze.

sticky note tuesday... pretty late

2010-01-26T22:57:00.000-06:00

I forgot that it was Tuesday. I always do. Grrrr... Of course I had no access to a computer yesterday anyway. It's not my fault. It's Minnesota's fault! I got stuck in my work-town.

its over

2010-01-24T21:20:00.006-06:00

The season has ended for our dear Vikings. I watched every agonizing moment of the game and the verdict is in. Sudden death overtime did not help the Vikes as the Saints scored the final points needed to win the championship game with a field goal.

I now know there's a reason why I never watch football. I can't handle the intensity. It's too much for me. I was throwing pillows at the TV, screaming, rolling around on the floor in agony... I know. If you think that's bad, you should see me at a live volley-ball game. Of course, there I am obligated to control myself.

Well, I've had enough of this already. Time for bed. Good job, Vikings. Good job, Favre (even though the stupid Saints were unnecessarily brutal to you). I'm hanging up my purple and gold... until next year.

2010-01-24T13:20:00.004-06:00

In honor of the Viking's game today, I'm going to do this post in yellow lettering. Purple is officially cooler, but it wouldn't really show up against my background, so yellow it is! GO VIKES!

Having said that, I will now move on to the actual subject of this post.

Has it ever just struck you how much you truly have and the stark contrast between the living conditions of the western world and the rest of the world? It happens to me all the time. Take today, for instance. I went to Perkins with Italian Roomy. We both got big ol' sandwiches with a heaping side of fries. I finished my sandwich, but I was too full to eat all of the fries. There's no reason to force feed myself, so I just threw the rest away. And that's when it hit me. I have so much that I throw perfectly good things away.

Anyway, it's something that comes to my mind a lot. I have experienced American "poverty." But in comparison with the rest of the world, our poverty is so rich. Don't get me wrong, I'm not belittling people's situations. There are a lot of Americans who are genuinely struggling. But our struggles rarely include painful hunger or lack of basic necessities. I guess it's this whole disaster that's happening in Haiti that's bringing it back into my mind. There are two million people who have lost everything. It's hard to imagine.

What do you love about your life? What is your biggest material blessing? What is your smallest?

i told him!

2010-01-23T19:22:00.005-06:00

So here's another story of a jerk who hit on me at work. I was having a kind of loser day and so when Mr. Jerk Face came in and hit on me again after I told him no, I let him have it.

See, last time he hit on me, he asked if he could take me out some time. I reminded him that he was married, but he told me he used to be married. I actually didn't believe him, but I just threw him my standard answer of, "I don't go out with people who work here."

So come to find out he is married and his wife is my friends' cousin. But I thought that would be the end of him.

I thought wrong. He came in to the office the other day and asked me if I had though about what he said. I scoffed back, "No." I couldn't believe he had the guts to still make advances toward me. But I couldn't just leave it at that, "You are married. And your wife is my friends' cousin." I named my friends. "And I still won't date people from work. So was there anything else you needed?"

You know, after that I wouldn't come back, but he's a moron, so I'm sure I'll see him again. Maybe these things happen to girls all the time and I'm making a big deal of it. There are jerks everywhere, but I think I need to get out of this job. I'm starting to despise people, and that's never a good place to be. Anybody have any leads or connections for a new job? Especially you, Alix, in sunny, warm, beautiful Florida. No pressure, or anything, though.

i've seen better days

2010-01-21T13:12:00.000-06:00

I woke up yesterday morning ready to go to my dentist appointment where I would get 3 fillings in an appointment that would take 1 1/2 hours. Not only that, but I woke up with a quite swollen right eyelid. Apparently I have a stye. I hate that word. It sounds so gross. Now today the eye is even more swollen and I can't wear makeup and the dentist scratched my face and pinched my lip yesterday, so I am a mess! Also, I ended up staying in the town where my work is last night because the roads are all icy. It's been freezing raining all day and I might get stuck here again. Staying with friends is nice, but it's not like home, where you can get up nice and easy, do your hair and makeup, etc. Nope. This morning I barely blow-dried my hair and I wore my glasses, not to mention my complete lack of makeup at the start of the day. Then when I got to work, I got in big trouble with my bosses. I can't elaborate, but it's not good.

So, succinctly, I feel and look like crap.

This brings me back to the dentist's chair yesterday. I love that laughing gas they give you to help with the anxiety and uncomfortable drilling and shots. I love how, with just one big breath, I no longer care that it hurts. Everything is still there, I still feel all that is happening, I just don't care. I wish I had laughing gas for my whole life. That way when things started to hurt, I could just take a whiff off the ol' laughing gas and feel all better. Everything in my surroundings would just become an echo, a distant mumble.

But I know the truth. Life doesn't work that way. In order to love and grow, you have to feel the pain. You have to work through the bad days and enjoy the good ones. Laughing gas may make life painless, but it also makes it joyless. No, I can't give in to the easy way out. I'll experience the sadness, love the happiness, and take each day one step at a time.

back to reality

2010-01-17T21:29:00.005-06:00

Ugh.

Two pairs of socks. Furry slippers. Sweats. Hoodie.

I'm definitely back in Minnesota. Man, a whole beautiful week in Puerto Rico now seems like a dream. It's funny how vacation can seem like a brief pause in reality. I wish I could go back to--

Sandals. Capri pants. Tank tops. Sun glasses. Bare feet!

I love warm weather. I really do. And something weird has been happening lately. People, even perfect strangers, tell me that I could go anywhere; do anything. Sometimes I feel like it's a sign. It's time to move on. I have a (semi)plan for that, too, though. I can't divulge this though, yet. But stay tuned. As the picture becomes clearer, I'll let you know. :D

For now I'll bundle up under my 10 fuzzy blankets and see what happens.

six word saturday

2010-01-16T00:13:00.004-06:00

Here's my six words for the day...

My last day in Puerto Rico...

and

Congratulate me! Today's my 100th post!

Unfortunately it's 2:15 am in Puerto Rico and I don't have anything especially profound to say for my 100th. I'm kind of sad about this. I'm definitely going to make up for it, though, at my 1 year anniversary, which will be in May, I think.

Well, it is way, way past my bedtime and I'm ready to be in dream land. Thanks for being with me through 100 posts, whether you've been there from day one, or you're just stopping by for the first time today.

Share your words! Click the linky pic!

hola!

2010-01-14T20:21:00.006-06:00

Hola, from ~~sunny~~ rainy Puerto Rico! The temperature here is beautiful! My friend's baby is beautiful (that's an actual picture I took of her cute little feet); she herself is beautiful. I can't really say her husband is beautiful. It just sounds awkward and wrong. He's cool, though! :D

Well, I'm sorry now that my countdown to 100 was supposed to be milestones. I chose an awful time to supposedly write about milestones, because I haven't really written about any. And, actually, by "milestone" I just really meant "memory that sticks out in my mind." Now I don't even want to write about that for my 99th post. I just want to write about Puerto Rico!

So it rained today and yesterday, but I don't really care, because it's enough to just have the windows open and to wear sandals. I only hope that there will be time to go to the beach and get, at least, a little sun. I can't go back to Minnesota completely white, like I am now.

So this is completely off the subject, but it's in my mind right now, so I want to write about it. I have this friend who always seems to be one step behind me in every bad decision that I make. If I date a schmuck one year, she dates one the next. If I let my faith go cold and make bad decisions (aka getting drunk, hanging out in questionable places with questionable people), she

later does the same. It's not that she is following my example. She lives half-way around the world. But she does always seem to make the same bad choices. I wish I could save her from all the pain I experienced as a result of my bad decisions. I don't want her to spend a year picking up all the pieces like I have. I don't want her to live under constant guilt of decisions past. I don't want her to fight temptations she never had before.

But what can I do? Really, apart from telling her not to do what I've done, there's nothing I can do. She has to make that choice on her own. She has to decide what she wants for her own life and follow that path.

Before I dated (and loved) a guy who didn't share my faith, morals, or even treat me well, I didn't know what I really wanted in a man. Before I got drunk, I never knew how awful it was to wake up with a hangover. Before I gave myself away, I never knew what pain it was to be cheated on or used. I didn't know what I wanted. I didn't know what I didn't want.

What I'm trying to say is that maybe it was a blessing in disguise. Granted, it would have been better to just follow the guidebook (yes, reference to the Bible) and not make the mistake in the first place. But now I really know. I am a stronger person for failing and hurting and breaking. I made the choices that shattered my heart, but God is the one who put the pieces back together afterward. So while I can't say that I'm not better off now, I can say that I would recommend not doing what I did (do, will do). Ugh. That's the problem with being human. You will always make mistakes.

So what do I do about my friend? She knows what is right and wrong. And besides, how am I supposed to tell her something about things that I have done myself? I know I will continue to make mistakes in my future, and I do even now. I'm not perfect, for goodness sake!

Well, post #99 did cover some milestones--aka memories that stand out in my mind. Anyway, Puerto Rico is great and I never want to leave! I love you readers! Leave me a comment with your advice about my friend.

six word saturday

2010-01-09T00:19:00.003-06:00

Oh, I finally remembered to do my 6ws! It's been weeks. This is not a milestone, but it will do. I'm still counting down to 100! So here goes the six words of the day...

Goodbye Minnesota. Hello Puerto Rico! Yey-ah!

I will hopefully be arriving in San Juan around 3ish if weather cooperates. Now quit hating on me and go write your own six word Saturday post!

that's it! I'm outa' here!

2010-01-08T21:22:00.007-06:00

No, for realsies! I'm leavin'... you know, like, on a jet plane. I wish I could say that I won't be back again, but that's just not true. I am, however, going on vacation, starting tomorrow morning. :D And my wonderful location of destination?

Drumroll please... DUM DA DUM!!!

PUERTO RICO!!!

Yeah, so I am pretty much really excited. So much for my milestone posts, though. Although, Puerto Rico is a milestone, kind of. I made my first trip there 2 years ago for my friend, Boricua's wedding. Now I'm going to see the baby and I can't wait! These are both milestones in her life. And that's good enough for me.

So, what should I bring ya? So far I have had requests for a Harley Davidson tee shirt, a shot glass, and a sun tanned girl. Yes, you heard that last one right. But that's just what I would expect from Hombre C.

***sidenote--I have all my mens listed in my phone under "Hombre" and then the first letter of their name. Hee hee hee... I couldn't really think of a better way to do it, and besides, then they are all right next to each other and oh so easy to find. Besides, it kinda makes me feel mysterious. Is that weird? I couldn't figure out if that was weird or not... Some people give me weird looks when they see my number directory.-- end of sidenote***

Maybe I should have a give-away. Your odds would be good seeing as only Mae Rae, Alix, and sometimes Raine ever read my blog. Just kidding. I know I have more readers (luv you Mom!) READERS, I KNOW YOU ARE OUT THERE AND I LOVE YOU, TOO! (So that ended up sounding slightly more stalkerish/creepy than I intended it to.)

Anyway, I will be sure to post pics of my lovely destination. I can't wait to finally get out of Minnesota. This is the worst time of year in the mid-west. On Tuesday I woke up to -22 degrees! I am so ready to sit my flabby, pastey, white Irish booty down on the beach and reflect some rays of sun! I really need some r&r after today anyway. It was SOOO long, and I had to do 4 terminations and try to translate, edit and configure as much of the newsletter as I could plus do everything else that I needed to do. Then just when I thought I was home free, I couldn't find my keys. So I trudged back up the 50 stairs and searched the office, but still couldn't find them. Then I figured they must be in my car, which they were, locked inside, of course. Then I proceeded to wait 1 hour and 20 minutes until the tow truck came and unlocked me. At least I have AAA! (that's my second plug for them! Go Triple A!!!) Now I'm finally home and I should be packing and getting everything ready, but instead I am wrapped in a blanket, lost in a facebooky/bloggy world of my own creation. And b.t.dubs, I wrote on Mr. Maybe's wall yesterday, but he doesn't seem to fb much, so he hasn't responded :(

So I'ma get off my seat and do something now. I'll see ya next time from (hopefully) sunny Puerto Rico!

10 things you didn't know about me/new year's resolutions

2010-01-06T22:54:00.005-06:00

I have a million bloggy ideas running through my head right now, but I can only post one at a time. So here goes. Ten things you didn't know (and may be shocked to find out) about me:

Drumroll please!!

1. I have a tattoo. ;-D
2. I have asthma.
3. I have never dated a man who is not Latino.
4. My belly-button is pierced.
5. I have gotten 3 speeding tickets. (Two in the last 6 months... I am not invincible... GRRRR)
6. I was a golden gloves boxer for three years.
7. I have had a nose job. (Directly relates to number 6 ;)
8. I played the piano and violin (neither of them well).
9. I have a Bachelor of Science degree in the Bible--minored in Counseling and Spanish. (Don't ask me how you get a job with that. I was too busy being idealistic when I chose my field of study :D Oh well, live and learn!)
10. I lived in Peru for a year. (You might have known that, but I'm running out of interesting things you didn't know about me. lol)

Got Q's? I'll A! COMMENT! :D

Oh, and as long as I'm making lists, I may as well make this a two-fer... Here's my New Year's Resolutions in no particular order:

1. Be less complainey/whiney. If I'm sick of hearing myself whine, I'm sure everybody else is.
2. Be on time to work. I like to say my start time is 9ish and that I never come a minute past 9:13. hee hee hee, funny... BUT how hard is it to get to work by nine??? That is so stinkin' late in the morning! Can I not even get my lazy booty out of bed to arrive bright eyed and bushy tailed at 9:00 am? Oh, and this going 70 in a 55 in an effort to make up for my sluggish preparation thing is unsafe and getting really expensive.
3. Do something with my life. Ha... hahahaha...
4. Get in shape. Need I say more? I'm getting flabby... My navel piercing is being swallowed by cellulite. NOT PRETTY! I have a baby bump and I'M NOT EVEN PREGGERS!!! The buck stops here! I'm turning this flab to ab :-D
5. Stop talking like a sailor. I hate swearing. Really I do. It sounds like ignorance to me. Having said that, curse words are, for the first time in my life, becoming a part of my vocabulary. Even worse, I have picked up numerous colorful words in Spanish AND they are guilt-free since Spanish is my second language. Unfortunately, to people whose first language is Spanish, I sound like... well, not somebody I want to sound like.

Thought for the year: "Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in your sight, O Lord, my rock and my redeemer."

mr. maybe not... maybe

2010-01-05T19:25:00.004-06:00

Well, I know this doesn't have to do, necessarily, with my countdown to 100 posts. But it's happening right now, so what makes it part of my countdown. And, you know, it could become a milestone. Oh, and it's a bummer that I keep missing Tuesdays. Well, not literally missing them, but you know... I keep forgetting about them. Sorry sticky notes... Sorry friends who liked my stikies.

Well, you all remember Mr. Maybe. I had actually given up hope on him, when he went to my friend's Cookie Baking Extravaganza. I wasn't able to go because I had to work that day, sadly. Also I didn't even think he was going to be there. Anyway, my friend's hubby told me, "You should've come to bake cookies. Mr. Maybe was here."

To which I responded, "I'm sorry. I would have loved to have come, but I had to work. Besides, Mr. Maybe is not interested. He has never called."

Then he replied, "Oh yes he does. Every other thing he said was about you. He was actually mad at my wife for not introducing you two sooner."

So now I don't know what to think. He texted me on Christmas Eve. I texted him on New Years, but I didn't think he responded. So I facebooked him and he said that he had in fact replied to my texts. Sigh. Sometimes my phone doesn't work. So I felt like a loser. I facebooked him back, but he hasn't replied yet. Ugh... I don't know about all this. My roomies tell me that I should just let him know that I'm interested in him. But I'm scared because... well, I'm just scared.

What are your opinions dear bloggy friends? Oh, and I should mention that he just moved back to Miami to finish school. he'll be back to Minnesota for the summer, though (and I wouldn't mind relocating. As a matter of fact, I've been looking for any reason to leave this frozen wasteland since I was 7.) Your advices please!

Happy New Year

2010-01-01T01:28:00.003-06:00

Usually I don't drink, but I'm not going to lie. I'm a little bit tipsy right now. It's New Years, I was at a party (it was a calm one, don't worry), there was alcohol... so I had some. But I'm not actually drunk. Although you will reap the benefits. ...probably. I tend to be hilarious when I'm buzzed, but this could be a dud.

Anyway, since I need to write about milestones in these posts, and since it's New Years and I'm tipsy, I think I should write about the last time I went to a party and had some beverages.

It was Halloween 2008. I was a Pink Lady from Grease, Frenchie to be exact. I had a pink wig on, 3 inch spike heels, and leggings. I'm not going to lie. I was quite popular at work that day. Anyway, I went to a party after work. But let me warn you, party punches should be tried with caution. Seriously, I'm not a big drinker. I've been drunk a few times, but I wasn't impressed. There are a lot of reasons that I think it's not a good idea to get drunk, but maybe those will be the subject of another post.

Anyway, not having drank very often and not knowing much about party punches, I poured myself plenty (for my alcohol tolerance level. I'm what some people would call a lightweight, others would say cheap date. I try to stay away from them.) I drank the punch, I had some more, I drank another bottle of something. Yeah, I was feeling it. Nobody knows it, but at one time I actually took a break from the karoke machine to go to the bathroom. Once there I flopped onto the ground and rolled around laughing for about 5 minutes, if not more. Yeah, I think I had a little too much to drink.

Also, at one time that night, I was sitting next to some guy on the couch making pleasant conversation. I was trying to hold it together, but feeling pretty loopy. We started talking about our places of work. I told him where I am an administrative assistant and he let me know that he worked at Sam's Club (kind of like Costco for those who don't live in the midwest). When he heard where I worked, he told me that Sam's had done a membership drive at my company and that he was the head of it... or something like that. I'm pretty sure he also offered me a job, if I was ever thinking about moving. The funny part is--Sam's Club is running another membership drive on Wednesday. I'm going to try to avoid the rep. I'm afraid it will be the man I spoke to 2 Halloweens ago. I'm really not sure what I said to him, so yeah...

Anyway, this post is not up to my usual level of... er... ummmm... I don't know. Like I said, I'm a lil bit tipsy (of course, hiccuping while I'm rinsing with mouthwash is enough to make me tipsy) so this post really needs to end. Please excuse any spelling or gramatical errors. And...

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

working my way to 100

2009-12-30T23:03:00.007-06:00

I have recently noticed that I am nearing my 100th post. In honor of the 100, I'm going to be doing a series of posts about other milestones in my life (just so you know, milestone has quite a broad definition in my book:). I will be counting down (or is it up?) to number one-double-oh.

But first, let me share a little about my wonderful Christmas.

I was supposed to leave after a half day of work on Thursday and make the 5 hour trek up to my parent's house. Unfortunately it didn't look like the weather was going to cooperate. Unprecedented amounts of snow were predicted and I was feeling bummed about possibly getting stuck in my apartment for the holiday.

Fortunately for me, my coworkers decided that wasn't going to happen. They fairly ganged up on me on Wednesday and insisted I was leaving by noon that day, as bad weather was supposed to be starting between 1 and 6. My boss even offered to let me use a vacation day. (I declined, since I will be needing that day in February when my *sister* from Peru comes to visit.) However, she did give me permission, so I didn't even lose my Christmas holiday pay! What a nice boss. As the morning progressed, so did the snow. It was already beginning to look bad out by 10:30 and the verdict was in. They sent me packing and headed toward my family.

I arrived safe and sound at home early that evening. I have never had so much time off for Christmas before, since I took one vacation day for Monday. As a matter of fact, I wasn't even able to go home the last two years at the holiday because of work. It was so nice and relaxing. I didn't wear makeup almost the whole time I was there, I stayed up 'til ungodly hours of the night and woke up at even less spiritual hours in the morning, I wore sweats until afternoon, ate 'til my pants didn't fit, and I had a great time with my family.

I also got some great loot: another wii remote, some furry slippers, a super soft blanket, a wool hat, a pretty heart necklace from Baby Brother, and a lot of stocking stuffers. All in all, it was one of our best Christmases. I think the holiday should always fall on a weekend! Can that be arranged?

Well, I can't talk about Christmas without mentioning the real meaning of the season--the birth of Christ. As I drove, I was thinking of a whole post I could do about this subject. There's so much that fascinates me about the events surrounding the incarnation of Christ that I can't even express all of them. Like, why did God choose one of the most scandalous ways imaginable to bring his son into the world? Even now, unwed pregnancies are frowned upon, but in those days, people were executed for them. Obviously we were let in on the secret, but imagine the stigma Mary must have felt only to be the chosen of God, the one who would bear his son into the human world.

Really, I could do a series of posts on this subject alone. There's so much to think about, and so much to be thankful for. And it's not that my Christianity is a crutch for me. On the contrary, it's a wheelchair, a veritable gurney! I don't say this simply because there are a list of rules that I practice or a bit or rhetoric that I spew. Even I have willingly strayed from my faith. I have broken every commandment, whether in practice or in attitude, and done so of my own will. But at the same time, I have seen him, I have experienced the one of whom the Bible speaks. When I left him, he never let me go. Maybe at one time in my life my faith was rhetoric and rules, but now it is much more. I'm not perfect. I don't have even half of everything figured out, but I am learning.

I don't know how to explain this. If you haven't experienced what I talk about, it may seem so weird and foreign. I can only imagine. But I hope that, in some small way, you are jealous. It sounds bad, but I wish that everyone could have what I have. And notice that I don't say "feel what I feel." Now happy feelings come along for the ride, but they are not the gas that powers the engine. There are bad times, too, as I'm sure you know if you have read any of my posts!

Well, this post is way too long so tomorrow I will continue working my way to 100 posts. Hang in there with me and help me visit some milestones from this first quarter of a century know as... my life.

catching up

2009-12-30T13:22:00.004-06:00

This is, once again, a lunch time post. I feel like I don't have time to catch up on everything that I want to write. But I also really want to write something. I think I'll post some good old time memories in the days (day) before the New Year.

Here's a great one. I must have been about 5 or 6. We went to a church activity, probably a Christmas or New Years party. I remember getting ready to go and not being able to find my rainbow-striped, stretchy elastic, magnetic clasped belt. But I really needed it. My pants were falling down. So, being my father's daughter, and having been trained in the ways of "making do," I grabbed a length of twine and tied those pants up nice and tight.

Well, the church party got along and I'm sure we had a part where everybody was together, doing family activities. But my memory for the day comes from later that night. I was playing with my friends, running all over the place. I'm sure I'd had a lot of soda or something, probably the reason I was running with the friends. Then, all of a sudden, it hit me. I had to go PEE! I ran to the bathroom, forced my way in the door (it was very hard to get open, as I remember), rushed into the stall, and... I couldn't get the twine undone. I tried. I crossed my legs. I struggled. I did the pee dance. I fought with the twine. I fought the urge... I lost.

Yes, I had an accident right there in the bathroom right in front of my blessed salvation-the toilet. And all because I was unable to untie the makeshift twine belt. As I recall, I had to wear my snowpants the rest of the night.

tidbits from lunchbreak

2009-12-21T14:25:00.002-06:00

Well, as the title eludes, I'm on lunchbreak at work. I really didn't want to take a break because I really just want to leave here as soon as I can. But my boss doesn't care for that. So I punched out and now I'm wasting away the time on the internet.

I have some deep thoughts that I want to share, but I don't have enough time right now. I guess I will just say that isn't it wonderful at this time of year? Ok... maybe not. There are actually a lot of things about Christmastime that make me very sad. But one good thing is that this is a time of year when you have a special opportunity to make others feel loved. I know, anybody could do that all year long, but there's just something about Christmas... Besides, I love buying presents. I don't know why. Maybe because I kinda like to get them. Hmmmm... That kinda sounds bad... I'm not greedy though! I promise!

Well, am done taking my sorry excuse for a lunch (I've been attending to people the whole time. GRRRRRRRRR... I'm so annoyed by that!) I will write more later!

when it rains, it pours

2009-12-15T09:04:00.002-06:00

And I'm not really talking about "blessings" in the traditional sense of the word. Why does it seem like everything breaks down at this time of year, just when I want to buy my friends and family Christmas presents? Sigh...

So here's the story. Yesterday I woke up to a quite flat tire. I took it to the mechanic, where they (very slowly) removed a nail from it and patched it up. At the same time, the serviceman told me something I already knew--there's a problem with my battery. It's dead. So I got a new one last night (after shopping 3 different stores in an effort to get the best deal). It is currently chillin' out in my back seat, just waiting to be installed later today. Unfortunately my battery didn't make it that long. I'm afraid he's sputtered his last...

So I placed a call to the wonderful AAA. The kind lady assured me that East Side Towing would revive said dead battery within 37 minutes. If it happens to be more, they'll give me a call. Thank you Triple A! Now I'm just sitting here, waiting, wasting time, which is, btw, money.

And that brings me to a previous "rain storm." See, last Monday I was sick. I called in to work. Yeah, can you believe it? That's a big deal for me, considering that I haven't called in since March of '08. Then I was trapped in my apartment on Wednesday because of the blizzard. I had two dental appointments scheduled for Tuesday and Thursday, so I arrived late to work those days. Then on top of that, there was yesterday and now today! The whole world seems to be against me ever arriving to work on time!

Sigh. This makes it difficult to earn money. Which, in turn, makes it difficult to buy presents. I know, I know, they are not the most important thing. We all just want to be together for Christmas, etc. etc. But I do want to buy presents... Oh well, I'll just have to make it up on birthdays.

At least I'm healthy, happy, and safe. I am loved, too! What more could a person ask for, right, with or without a battery.

welcome to minnesnowta

2009-12-10T21:12:00.003-06:00

such lovely snow...

too bad this town doesn't believe in snow removal

the blizzard ended yesterday at 1:00, but this is straight down the middle of the street

lame-o!

orthodontowha???

2009-12-09T00:37:00.006-06:00

This morning I stepped through the pristine ~~gates~~ doors of Meadow Valley Orthodontics, received my paperwork to fill out from one of 7 smiling, brown scrub-wearing employees, sat my booty into a leather couch facing a mounted, inset 32-inch widescreen LED tv, surrounded by a beautiful shelving unit filled with wicker baskets which were, in turn, filled with toys and books and I thought to myself, "Self, you cannot afford this orthodontist." (I realize--run-on sentence. Thank you Miss Tweed. Third grade wouldn't have been the same without you.)

As I filled out the paperwork I mused about an orthodontist that I could afford. He would surely operate out of the bottom level of his home. It'd be kind of like a mullet--you know, business in the front, party in the back. Except that by "front" I mean lower level and "back" I mean upper level apartment. Then an even more affordable orthodontics rig ran through my mind, quite literally. It'd be a "mobiledontics." Kind of like a bookmobile, you know... or even a trailer. I'm picturing something kind of like a horse trailer or a small refrigerated unit, only without the cold. It'd be one of those silver metal jobs with a roll-up sliding door at the back. They'd let down a ramp and you'd haul yourself right into the "consulting office" separated from the "reception area" and "business office" by only a divider meant for a cubicle. I could afford that kind of orthodontics.

You'd think Meadow Valley wanted me to promise them 5 years of indentured labor or the birthrights of my first son.

Well, I haven't lost hope yet. I'm getting a second opinion. Heck, I'll even get a third or fourth one if I have to! Things can't be all that bad. As a matter of fact, I've heard good things about this place called Odontologia Guadalupe de la Virgen de las Nieves. They say they only charge 140 pesos per visit, so I think I'm in luck!

sticky note tuesday

2009-12-08T22:36:00.011-06:00

Well, these are super late, but I was sick yesterday. I actually called in sick for the first time since March of 08. It was bad. But here are my stickies anyway.

six word saturday

2009-12-05T00:37:00.003-06:00

Here we go again. It's Saturday and I only have six words to describe my life as of right now.

Christmas shopping. Angel Baby. Happy Katie!

I'm going to be babysitting Angel Baby today! :D:D:D And also, while I'm in the city (so sad, I live in some tiny town {23,000. some ppl don't consider that small, but that's midwesterners for you} with almost no shopping options) I'm going to do some Christmas shopping.

It's actually really late at night, or early in the morning, whichever way you want to look at it. I don't feel very good and I know I should sleep, but I just don't want to for some reason. My body hurts and I feel like if I get in bed, I'll feel worse. Hopefully it's gone by tomorrow, because I really don't want to miss out on spending time with my amor!

Have a great Saturday bloggy friends! I'm sending a shoutout and a big hug to Raine from True Confessions of a Single Mother. I hope today is going better for you!

dreams of flying

2009-12-04T00:01:00.006-06:00

Well, so far nothing has happened. I facebooked him last week and we had a short convo going on, but then it just dropped off and he never responded. That was last Wednesday. And like they say on He's Just Not That Into You, if he likes you, he will make it happen. The rest is up to you (the girl). And although, at first, he said he wanted to spend more time with me (seemed like he was interested) he hasn't really shown any interest lately, so I guess I'll just let it go.

My mom keeps saying that "at least this is encouraging for me." But I'm not really sure that I'm encouraged. In a way, I'm kind of relieved that he doesn't seem to be interested, because I'm so afraid to get into another relationship. On the other hand, I'm really sad about still being single. I want so much to have somebody who loves me, wants to be with me, thinks I'm beautiful, and wants to have a family with me. I can't even imagine that ever being true. It's almost like dreaming of flying.

So I don't really know what else to say. At least he looked my way for a moment, but I'm not sure I'm encouraged by that. I saw the Ex today and my eyes danced when they met his because, in my heart, I was laughing at him. I'm free. I'm the lucky one. And that is encouraging to me!

hiding right in front of me

2009-12-02T21:57:00.004-06:00

It's clear now that you never loved me

That's why you treated me like a piece of property

And it's obvious why you felt so much jealousy

Like your favorite toy, you didn't want to lose me

Even though you had others, you still wanted to use me

But now I see that I'm the one who's lucky

It was a long time before I could see

That away from you, I've finally been set free

The truth was hiding all along right in front of me

santa gave me an early present--a big tire around my waist!!

2009-11-30T20:34:00.006-06:00

I'm about to make a conclusive statement, so brace yourselves. I will, undoubtedly, be one of the cutest preggers ever. I'm sure a baby bump will be quite becoming on me... BUT until then, this bloated lump of holiday cheer that is forming in my abdominal area has got to go! For reals, I want to eat everything-ham, turkey, pie, chocolate, flavored coffee, fried chicken (I don't know what that has to do with the holidays-hmmm maybe it's part of the Kwanzaa tradition).

Anyway, I don't think I'll be able to get rid of it exercising (see this post), or eating less. Really, who wants to to eat less at Thanksgiving or Christmas? So, basically I'm just saying that I want to be magically thinner without working at it at all. Can anybody tell me how to do that?

Actually I know several good ways.

1. Get sick. I got a bladder infection once and I let it go untreated. I was so tired that I slept for 16 hours in one day. I couldn't keep my eyes open, let alone eat. Getting sick is a great way to lose some weight. It's not very fun, though. Not to mention, nobody wants to be sick over the holidays.

2. Become really stressed. This is another great way to lose weight. A nice dose of stress will definitely keep your appetite down. Of course, stress is not exactly super fun either.

3. Fall in love. When I'm in love, I don't really eat. My appetite disappears. My tummy is already full... of butterflies! :D Laa la-laa la-laa! Who needs food?! Now, of the three choices, this may be the best... but at the same time the worst! I've been in love before, and it still hurts! It's been over a year, but as you can see from my tweets --> sometimes it still hurts. I'm not sure I want to be in love again, because I'm not sure there's hope for a truly happy love. I know some couples who seem to be happy, but I really don't believe it. They have to fight when nobody's watching. Life can't be as good as it looks on the outside.

So, maybe I'll just keep that little tummy there.

six word saturday

2009-11-28T10:18:00.004-06:00

I shouldn't be doing this right now cuz I'm working, so this is going to be short! :D hee hee hee

Thanksgiving rocks! Working on Saturday sucks!

You should play too. Check out showmyface.blogspot.com

b.t.dubs

2009-11-26T23:34:00.004-06:00

BTW-I messaged Mr. Maybe and told him that he should hang out with us and play games this weekend. Unfortunately he's out of town, but here is his response: "Thanks for inviting me to play games. I would like to meet your parents but I’m not going to be here."

You think he likes me? I can't believe he wants to meet my parents! What does that mean?

the way things have changed...

2009-11-26T22:24:00.004-06:00

I glanced at myself in the mirror today as I washed my hands. "Wow, my hair is growing. You can already see a line where my natural hair color is showing. When did I dye my hair anyway?"

I tried to think, but I couldn't remember any cues. Then it hit me. I put it as my facebook status. "I can't believe I just dyed my hair."

Then another, almost stunning though hit me. When did we start measuring time in facebook? When did I become so lazy as to stop thinking in calendars and days, hours and moments? When did I have to look up my life as recorded in real time on twitter, facebook, even this blog. When did my memory forget how to remember?

my thankful-for's

2009-11-23T22:14:00.004-06:00

Painting by Henry Ossawa Tanner - Thankful Poor

I woke up this morning and I was so comfortable in my nice warm bed, wrapped up in my many blankets and coddled by my fluffy pillow. I jumped out of bed and wrapped up in my fuzzy bathroom. I made my way toward the bathroom and jumped into the shower, where I had hot water to last for an hour. I lathered up in my vanilla scented Olay ultra moisturizing body wash and washed and conditioned my hair. Even though it was cold outside, my house was warm. I returned to my room and dried my hair with a blow dryer. It took me a long time to decide what to wear because I couldn't choose which of my many clothes I wanted to wear. And guess what? I have always been this blessed. You know, we struggled a lot when I was a kid, but we never went hungry. We were never without heat. Our cars broke down, we went without, we sacrificed for the things that were really important, but we never lacked anything that we really needed.

I say all of this to say how thankful I am for my life. Every moment this morning I was realizing just how much I do have and how many people don't have the same. Every year as the temperature drops and Thanksgiving rolls around I realize just a little sliver of how blessed I truly am.

What are you thankful for?

hunting shack and other adventures...

2009-11-22T21:04:00.003-06:00

Here we see the essence of "The Shack." Hunting + Relaxing + Rustic Sloppiness = The Shack.

In this room a man and his wife raised 5 daughters. Yeah, I know... crazy! I can't imagine raising a family in the shack as it is now, and the size has since been quadrupled!

Look! A sink complete with working water pump! And look, people who are younger than me who had to do the dishes. You know, there are some perks to this getting old thing.

This is what it's all about. Playing games with the fam!

Baby brother, me, and TimTim

I don't really think there's a need to say anything... This picture speaks for itself.

That's my dad with the 13 foot tall Christmas tree we cut from the woods by the shack. It was perfect!

There's Dad, and me, and Baby Brother.

And here's me and Mom.

I don't know why I'm grinning so gigantuously (I know it's not a word. Well, wasn't a word...)

Italian Roomy and me, with traditional Christmas decorating tinsel hair and Santa hats.

six word saturday

2009-11-21T11:51:00.003-06:00

You know how it works. Describe your life in 6 words. Here goes:

Thanksgiving at the family hunting shack

Welcome to northern Minnesota my dear readers. It is hunting season and we're not going to let anything get in our way. As a matter of fact, we're having the whole family Thanksgiving dinner at the shack today. :D I'll take pics so you can see what it's like. And I'm warning you, it's a different world here...

I remember when...

2009-11-18T23:15:00.003-06:00

...car flirting was still innocent. You know, you catch a cute stranger's eye. You pass him. He speeds up and smiles at you. You flutter your eyelids and grin. He passes you. This process usually continues until one party veers off the common road.

That is how car flirting should go. Last weekend I had an experience with an awful new form of car flirting. Here's how it went:

Pretty Roomy and I were driving home after the movie we went to with Mr. Maybe (I can't call him Mr. Right. I'm not sure yet and I don't know him well enough). Anyway, we were driving home on the highway. I turned to see an SUV with a younger guy driving it. He noticed me, but I didn't pay any attention. I was deep into a convo with PR. I turned again to see Young Guy staring at me like a dork. I did the giant cheesy smile and childish wave. Then I ignored him again. I continued talking to PR... probably about Mr. M. Then I turned to see YG's friend, Stupid Guy, who I hadn't even noticed, hold up a hastily made paper sign reading "SHOW BOOBS."

Whatever happened to innocent car flirting? When did we ever go straight from cheesy grin to frontal nudity? What is this world coming to?

sticky note tuesday

2009-11-16T23:46:00.005-06:00

Ok, so it's Tuesday. You know what to do. Write some stickies saying everything in a nutshell! Here goes!

date update

2009-11-13T21:14:00.007-06:00

Ok, so I know I need to let you all know about the date. Now I know it has taken me a few days to get this on to ~~paper~~ the computer. Don't worry. It's not because the date was bad. I really like him. It's just that my sister-in-law already grilled me about it, then I told my mom, then I told my roomies, then the girls at work. Oh, and not to mention, I haven't really don't this dating thing, well, ever before. I guess with my ex's it was more like... well... not dating, that's for sure. With Alex, we started off as friends and it progressed form there. With Carlos, we started off acquaintances and then... I don't want to talk about the rest. Let's just be glad that's in the past! Hallelujah!

Anyway, now the pretty much most handsome, smartest, most talented man I will ever know, is interested in me! Can you believe it? I never dreamed anybody like that would even give me a second look. :D So here's the lowdown on the first date:

He came to pick me up at my brother's house. When he came in, my bro, being the nice guy that he is, started up a conversation. For about 5 minutes, they jabbered on in a language I didn't understand--computer. Lol. He's an electrical engineer, well, studying to be one. Actually, he's doing a coop right now with a computer company here in the area, so he is really doing the work. Anyway, the SIL and I had no idea what was being said, but at least they have something in common.

Then we went out to the restaurant. He made me choose where to go, and I guess I'm really not that good at picking restaurants, but it is the best Chinese place in town. So we went there ordered our food. We just had a good time talking and getting to know each other. I won't cover every topic that we talked about, but he did tell me something about his family and his job and everything that you talk about on a first date.

But the most interesting part was something he told me about a test he had to take the next day. Even as he spoke the words, I could not believe my ears. He said he was taking his test for the ham radio license. And I quote my sentiment exactly, as spoken in the words of Nacho Libre, "Those are my favorite things to do, too, every day of the week!" Well, just kidding about that, part, but it was truly amazing. That's because my dad is a huge fan of ham radio. My dad, mom, and older brother actually all have their ham radio licenses. I took the test, too, but failed. Mostly because I attempted such a feat at the tender age of nine. I don't think my dad had really thought that one through...

Anyway, I don't see how this guy could get any better. Right off the bat he has something in common with my brother and my father. And those are the two people (besides me, of course) who needed to be impressed the most.

Well, it is now ridiculously late and I need to get up early for church tomorrow. I'm so going to regret staying up this late later, I just know it. BUT there's more in the (insert clever nickname for dreamy man here) saga. We actually went out tonight, too. More on that later.

BTW... I need help coming up with a clever name for the dreamy man... Any suggestions? I thought of Knight in Shining Armor-KISA, but it's too soon to call him the man of my dreams. I don't even know him that well yet. So-suggestions! Please!

OMG...

2009-11-10T22:49:00.011-06:00

So guess what? I have a...

date tomorrow... Yes, I am whispering again. I know, it's hard to hear me, but I don't want to break the spell!

Ok, you can change your browser font back to a normal size. I've stopped whispering. But don't worry. I'll let you know how everything went.

And on another note all together...

Happy Veteran's Day to all! God bless all those who have served, are serving, and will serve--Grandpa (I'll never forget you and I'll always love you, even though you're gone), Uncle D, Baby Brother (you're the best, very strong, and they'll make you even stronger), Cuz, Natty and Hubby (baby girl, I'm praying for you while they kick your butt out there at basic!). I love you all.

moving on... and UP

2009-11-07T23:25:00.007-06:00

For all of you who read my Sticky Note Tuesday post and the stickies to my ex, here is an update. Funny how all this time I was hating on my ex and glaring at him and ignoring him etc, he continued to stop by the HR office and talk to his good ol' friend, Drama Queen. For months he has come to the office one, if not two, times a day. I know he can't really be that interested in Drama Queen. And I know him well enough to know that he is an attention junkie. It doesn't matter if I'm glaring at him, sending him Morse Code hate messages with my eyelashes; he just wants my attention--and preferably my affection. But you know, he'll take that or leave it. Well, probably not so much anymore, but he's a creep like that. I don't think it matters that he's married now. As I've come to see, he's not the most faithful person in the world. And in the end, he just wants me to keep thinking about him.

Well, it really ticked me off that on my birthday he, as usual, came into the office, looked directly at all the "happy birthday" balloons on my desk, and just walked right past me. He never said a word. So I decided a long time ago that when his birthday rolled around, I was going to be different. I would make a special effort to wish him a happy day.

As soon as I walked in in the morning, he was already there. "Happy birthday!" I said with a friendly smile on my face. He thanked me and left.

But that's not all. He came back on his lunch break. As he walked out to leave I stopped him, again saying "Happy birthday. You're really old now," I joked. He seemed uncomfortable, like he didn't want to talk to me. But at least he said thanks and left.

And here's the ~~good~~ great news... (drumroll please) I haven't seen him since Monday! He hasn't been back in to the office since the day of his birthday. Now perhaps he and DQ are fighting or something, but I don't think so. I think I finally got to him. As one of my friends put it, "he sees now that you don't care anymore. You're ok with everything and you're moving on."

And it's true.

I'm moving on. Because... Shhhhh now... I met a guy. I know, I'm whispering. That's because I don't want to break the spell. Nothing has happened yet, but he did say that he would like to spend more time with me.

I'm afraid to say anymore. Besides, nothing has really happened. There's no news to tell. Hopefully there will be. I'm not sure I'm ready for any of this and I'm really scared to death of relationships, but you never know. This could be the one that changes everything. I'm just not sure I'm ready to put myself out there again. It could be one more tragedy... Or it could be the best thing ever. Gulp.

Well, this post reminded me of a poem I wrote a long time ago, back in 2007 during my senior year of college. I think it deserves to be re-posted, so here goes.

closer to nothing

every day i come closer to finding

i know less and less every day

every step i take takes me farther

from where i thought i wanted to be

and when i stand and look in the mirror

i see a face whose dull eyes i don't recognize

and then i walk away

every day it gets harder to step out on a limb

to put myself up for scrutinization

i just want to walk away

and go back to the places where i have been

and if i thought this was hard before

i didn't know what it would be

to stand empty-handed at the door

and to have no one answer me

six word saturday

2009-11-07T12:48:00.004-06:00

Here's my life, as of right now, in six words:

Thinking of and praying for you.

and just because I can't really make my life as succinct as six words, another one:

Finally, a Saturday just for me!

Now go play along!

sticky note tuesday

2009-11-02T22:35:00.005-06:00

Ok, so making this collage took me way, way, WAY too long!!! Oh, and I wanted to make a cool collage, but that didn't work out. I'm completely fed up and now I have to go to bed. But at least check out my stickies. GOOD NIGHT!

BTW, if you have a better way to make an awesome (emphasis on AWESOME) collage, let me know. Mine is obviously laking in awesomeness... I am also actually watching my sanity slowly melt away over trying to make this thing! Last week one girl had a rockin' awesome collage and I tried to do the same thing, with little success. If you are that girl, PLEASE--tell me how you did it!! Also, why does Supah's sticky show my background behind it, and mine never do? Another Q... how do you add the option of related posts at the bottom of the post. Supah, you have it on your page... And another one--WHAT IS THE MEANING OF LIFE?? Plus also, why do hotdogs come in packages of 8 and buns in packages of 10?? Do they think we want extra bread?! ...Oh, sorry. I think I'm getting carried away.

Ahem yeah... Uh you should play along with Supah Mommy and the rest of us ~~crazies~~ super-cool bloggers! Click the sticky!

six word saturday

2009-10-31T09:34:00.005-05:00

Here are my six words.

Ding-dong. Trick or treat! Happy Halloween!

and...

Babysitting Angel Baby = very happy auntie!

Happy Halloween from H-Dog and Angel Baby!

You should play along, too. Just describe your life in 6 words and post the linky pic at the bottom. Link up on Show My Face and share the fun.

sticky note tuesday

2009-10-27T22:04:00.008-05:00

So, this post is really late for being a Tuesday regular... But here are my sticky contributions for today.

This is what my children would look like if I had had a kid with my last to ex's and a random friend from high school. My kids will be so cute!

5 reasons why everybody should follow me!

2009-10-26T19:24:00.005-05:00

First of all, I'm sad today because I lost a follower... And well, I've had this blog since the beginning of the summer, and I only have 12 followers. I'm pretty sure this is unacceptable. See, there are lots of good reasons to follow me. And allow me to be completely self-serving and egotistical for a moment, while I give you five reasons to be my follower.

1. I'm funny. I write lots of interesting, entertaining, stuff that'll make you laugh!

2. I'm honest. I put all sorts of stuff in my blog that comes straight from my heart. I don't lie (I save that for my anonymous blog. Or wait, maybe that's the other way around...). Anyway, I really don't lie on my blog.

3. I have a cool layout. I might already be grasping at straws with my reasons for you to follow me, but I said I'd have five reasons, so I will, dagnabit! Besides, my blog has 3 columns and that's cool. Plus, I have an awesome background from hotbliggityblog.com.

4. I have cheesy poetry. Probably I'm the only one who really likes it, but that's ok. See? I really need someone as cheesy as I am to read and like my poetry! Said cheesy person should definitely follow me.

5. I have great regular posts. Yeah, it's like blogging on fiber. Same deal every (almost) Tuesday, Friday, and Saturday. First there was Totally Awkward Tuesday, now Sticky Note Tuesday. On Friday I usually have a Free Confession. On Saturday I put in my six words--and then some. Sounds like tons of fun, right?

Well, I'm not sure why those reasons were good ones for you to follow me, but, like I said, I'd give you five reasons why you should follow my blog. Now START FOLLOWING! Oh, and if I haven't convinced you to follow me, then at least make some comments...

THANKS!

six word saturday

2009-10-23T23:57:00.004-05:00

So it's 6ws again. Unfortunately I have pretty much only one thing on my mind right now... I guess I'll just go ahead and get it off my chest!

It hurts to know you lied.

and a freebee!

You get cut off. It happens!

The second one refers to me cutting a guy off today and him actually following me to a gas station, pulling up next to my car, pounding on my winding and cussing me out. I'm not going to lie. Of all the days in this whole year, I have only been so mad about 2 other times as I was today. Things just didn't go that well (please refer to first 6 words)... This implies that upon hearing said madman cuss me out for cutting him off, I flipped and answered in like manner.

As Pretty Roomie put it, "I lost my Christianity." (Not that either of us believe you can actually lose your Christianity. It's really a false implication on our part, but that's an issue for another post.) Anyway, the phrase simply means that I didn't at all act like a Christian should.

For that, I am sorry. But I'm not going to lie. After today and yesterday, it was a little stress relieving. It did kinda freak me out to have some old guy going postal on me though. There was a nice man at the gas station who told him to leave. When Psycho-Man started cussing at him, he just responded "Hey, I'm making sure a woman is ok." I like chivalry. It's classic. Never goes out of style. It was, however, updated my my sailor-like blue slur today. I'm sure that guy wasn't sure he was protecting a woman after he heard my speech...

Anyway, that's my 6ws, plus a little commentary. But on the bright side, I think my life's looking up from here. I'll make good decisions from now on. It's a hard lesson to learn, but you have to remember that very few people can be trusted.

sticky note tuesday

2009-10-20T22:41:00.005-05:00

So Tuesday's have been pretty boring since Tova disappeared off the face of the earth. For a while we posted our own TAT's but then even that fell apart. Apparently it was no fun to be awkward without the ring-leader...

But enough said about that. Tuesday's turning over a new leaf! With (drum roll please)

Sticky Note Tuesday

So, without further adieu... my first stickies!

Sorry, I got a little long winded there, but, as it turns out, these stickies are really fun! You should try it some time! Click on the link below if you want to participate, too.

untitled #2

2009-10-18T19:55:00.001-05:00

Life took me by the neck

And squeezed so hard

That the tears poured out of my eyes

Until they were all gone

And I was left empty.

untitled

2009-10-18T19:54:00.001-05:00

She leaned out to kiss the cold, dark night,

And he, like a gentleman, took her by the arm

And led her into forever.

so maybe my mind is messed up...

2009-10-13T21:54:00.004-05:00

But every time I see the MyTouch commercial, I just think it sounds more like some sort of a dirty sex toy or maybe lube. You know, like an "I'm not getting any, so I really need a MyTouch" or "my husband uses MyTouch because it makes the big moment !!:D" Maybe that means my mind is in the gutter, but am I really the only one who thinks that?

Ok, and here's another one--the shaver/feminine trimmer commercial. Throughout the whole ad, women are walking past assorted shrubbery and it goes from unruly to shapely magically as they go by. Then the commercial introduces the fact the it is advertising a feminine trimmer. The unwritten slogan was, "You, too, can trim your bush."

I just saw another commercial. For this one, there are no words. It is a Quizno's ad. There are two naked men in a tub out in a hillbilly-looking yard with a fire under them. Then a toaster grill from Quizno's pops up and says something about toasty-ness and their sandwich being a better choice. I'm still grimacing. I don't even know what to say. Disturbing is the only word that comes to mind... Quizno's really needs to come up with some better ideas...

this is so unfortunate

2009-10-12T05:44:00.003-05:00

So, it's 5:44 am. At least 20 minutes (more like an hour) before I usually get up. I have been wide awake for almost an hour. This is not fair!

Maybe it's because I got so much rest yesterday. See, I tried to convince myself all day Saturday that I was not sick. That ended Sunday morning when I woke up and I was definitely sick. So I slept until noon (cuz I didn't sleep all night) then spent the rest of the day relaxing. I went to bed around 10 but couldn't really fall asleep.

So really, I don't know why I'm awake. I should be taking advantage of every sleepy moment possible, right?

Well this is a great way to get energized for this week, though. Usually, in our fair HR office, we have 7 people working, in the HR part alone. Today we should have 3. I am one of them (administrative assistant) and Payroll Lady and Working Mom (also admin asst) will also be there. Boss Lady and Boss Man are both going to a conference and we lent Hiring Lady and Hater to another company. So it's sure to be an exciting day.

Now that I'm no longer house-sitting I will also have to remember what it's like to commute. I'm not excited about that, but it sure does feel good, no great, to be back in my own house! I missed this place. And I missed my roomies, too.

Well, as long as I am wide awake, I may as well get out of bed (yes, this post comes to you directly from my bed :) and get ready for work. It can't hurt to get there a little early!

six word saturday

2009-10-10T11:23:00.003-05:00

So here goes:

I think I'm getting sick, cough!

Or maybe I'm just having asthma problems cuz this house is kinda moldy. Not to mention the moldy cheese I accidentally ate yesterday... Mold seems to be the big thing here...

If you want to participate in 6WS too, click the linky pic!

free confession friday

2009-10-09T18:37:00.002-05:00

So I'm house/dog sitting this week and poor Psycho-Dog has been going progressively crazy as the days go by. She was pretty good the first day, then as time passes she gets more and more restless. They kennel her while they are gone and at night and they never let her go out of the kitchen. I felt bad for the little dog, so I let her roam the house while I was doing stuff around the house... until I saw them.

Two little black nuggets.

Poop.

On the carpet.

So I decided that Psycho-Dog would not be roaming the house anymore.

That was a couple of days ago. Not being able to roam made Psycho-Dog even more crazy. So I decided to do the right thing today and take her on a walk. Psycho-Dog was supposed to have pooped in the yard before we went out, but she didn't. I, being and irresponsible pet sitter did not take a doody bag with me.

Crazy dog pooped in the neighbor's yard.

I fled.

That's right, I left the scene of the crime. I did not clean up the doggy doo doo. That is my confession. I am an irresponsible dogsitter.

i don't want to admit it...

2009-10-08T20:09:00.002-05:00

But I think I actually like fall. Well, as long as its actually nice out. Lately it has just been raining and raining. A good fall can be so picturesque. It always reminds me of going back to school and of learning.

When I was in college, we did a campus clean-up day every fall. The campus was covered with huge oak trees. They were always so beautiful in the fall. It seemed like every year the clean-up day weather was perfect, too. Those were good times. We never had any classes that day.

Fall also reminds me of playing football in the yard with my dad and brother. It makes me think of jumping out of the big maple tree in our side yard into a giant pile of leaves. It's the beginning of sweaters, closed-toed shoes, and down comforters.

I hate to admit it, but I think I actually do like fall. What I hate is that fall means winter is one step closer. I hate winter. I'm ok until about January 7th... After that, I can't take anymore. I usually have some sort of a break-down. For years it happened right on Christmas or the day before. Lately I've been able to make it a few more weeks. Oh how I hate winter!

But I'll just take it one day at a time. I'll enjoy fall while it lasts. At least sweaters are cute and this season boots are all the rage!